Confessions of a failed boycotter

So I had to make an emergency run Sunday afternoon to Hy-Vee for two 1.75-quart box containers of Blue Bunny ice cream, on sale for $1.99 each. Banana Split and Bunny Tracks. I also picked up two one-pound containers of Hy-Vee butter, on sale for $1.88 each, and some Colorado peaches. Just in case you were interested.

The problem is, if I had the courage of my convictions I'd be boycotting Blue Bunny --- and in spirit, I am (by only buying when it's on sale), Doesn't that count?

The difficulty with Blue Bunny is its family, the Wells, who are big financial backers of Bob Vander Plaats and his Christianist wingnut friends at The Family Leader, both of whom and which have made careers, of sorts, based entirely on bashing gay people.

So a boycott was called and I tried. Honest.

Now what I'm going to say next results from hanging out online at too many blogs operated by recovering evangelicals. God help me, I'm beginning to understand how they talk. Those of us in the trade call it evangebabble.

So here's the deal, I have a heart for boycotting Blue Bunny, but my stomach keeps getting in the way. Golly, I love the Blue Bunny. Even if the little sucker is homophobic. But only when he's on sale for $3 per container or less.

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My boycotts of Chick-fil-A and North Carolina are going better. Chick-fil-A's been a breeze. There's only one franchise within 100 miles of here and I'd have no idea how to find it if I wanted to. Plus, if I'm going to a fast-food joint I'm going to have a burger --- not some sissy chicken sandwich.

Same for North Carolina. It's a long ways from here and it would take a heck of a lot to convince me that I wanted to abandon my boycott --- like a free round trip and expenses paid. Offers?

Let's face it, I'm a hypocrite.

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But I have been surprised at all the sqwaking and wing-flapping among my Christian friends about the Chick-fil-A deal. Golly, you'd think gay folks invented the boycott.

The truth is, a good Christian who hopes for heaven has to have so many sticky notes on the front of the refrigerator, reminding him or her where not to shop, that there's no room left for the Bible verse of the day.

Can't drink Starbucks or shop J.C. Penny and Sears, patronize Disney or bank Wells Fargo. Stay away from Home Depot, throw out all your Proctor & Gamble, Johnson & Johnson and Kraft Foods products and burn your Levis. Don't eat at McDonalds or drive a Ford. Avoid Allstate Insurance, General Mills and Target, don't watch the Muppets, don't read DC Comics and God will get you if you eat Girl Scout cookies. And for heaven's sake, don't Google. What a chore. And this list is only the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.

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So here's the long and short of it --- boycotts are fine by me. If you don't like the politics or the practices of some business --- or if an employee snarls at you --- don't patronize it. Likewise, if you approve, spend lavishly. If y'all want to join Mike Huckabee and Sarah Palin at the Chick-fil-A counter on August 1 --- national sacrifice-a-chicken-for-Jesus day --- bless your heart.

Just spare me your hypocrisy --- and I'll spare you mine.

Although I have been wondering what a Chick-fil-A sandwich tastes like, even if it is chicken.  Maybe I could sneak up to West Des Moines some time after August 1 .... Nope. I'm standing firm.