What the heck is he doing splattered all over my grocery store these days? Am I paying more for broccoli in order to help support his degenerate heterosexual lifestyle? And whatever happened to helpful smiles in every aisle? Just asking.
Curt, if I can call him that, started appearing in HyVee’s slick advertising inserts a few weeks ago --- I forget when. Often quite large, full-length and with a big grin. Funny shoes. Usually attached somehow to a recipe (peach and mint iced tea, last week).
Then life-sized cardboard cutouts appeared in the grocery aisles, then “Curtis Stone” this and “Curtis Stone” that. What the heck is going on?
So I decided to look him up online. As it turns out Curt is a “young gun” --- what does that mean? --- celebrity chef and television personality from Australia who recently got his girlfriend pregnant (of course they’re not married). Who knew?
Is he Hy-Vee’s new spokesperson? Apparently. And how much is that costing? And how many other grocery chains is he spokespersoning for?
I figure Chariton’s homegrown grocery giant (executive offices now in exile in West Des Moines) is trying to sex up its act. The last public Hy-Vee spokesman I recall was the late Dwight Vredenburg, the “V” in Hy-Vee --- a great guy; not much sex appeal. That was when “a helpful smile in every aisle” was the corporate slogan.
Or maybe they’re just working on trendy (if Curt starts taking off his clothes, we’ll know it’s sex; stay tuned).
I guess I don’t mind Curt, but will have to pass on this week’s recipe --- grilled corn with sun-dried tomato-bacon butter.
There really are helpful smiles in most aisles at the Chariton Hy-Vee (although they’ve taken to moving stuff around so much lately even the staff can’t find the cooking oil). Once you learn (a) to avoid buying items that aren’t on sale; (b) that several of the “on sale” items really aren’t; and (c) because we’ve got a smaller store, several of the “sale” items won’t be available at all --- you’re all set. So I’m not exactly complainting.
But will there be a baby shower at corporate HQ for Curt and Lindsay? And how much is that going to cost us?
I’m told they eat cicadas in some cultures --- that they’re even quite tasty (females --- how do you tell? --- are “meatier,” online research tells me). I haven’t seen any in the meat case at Hy-Vee, however.
But we’ve sure been hearing them lately around here. We do every summer, that familiar buzz-saw background. I kind of like it usually. But when I went out at about 8 last night to finish watering, the cacophony was deafening, like there was a cicada convention in my front-yard trees. Maybe it was the heat.
But apparently the hot spell has broken here now --- and that is good news.