Sunday, August 14, 2011

The GOP stud factor

Yes, I know Michele Bachmann won the Iowa GOP straw poll Saturday (4,823 votes to Ron Paul’s second-place 4,671), although hardly anyone outside of Iowa takes a win in that particular contest too seriously. After all, Mike Huckabee won it last time around.

But Bachmann just isn’t appropriately equipped --- not to put too fine a point on it. So I’m putting my GOP nominations money on pretty-boy Rick Perry, who managed to pick up 718 write-in votes (compared to 567 votes for Mitt Romney, whose name actually was on the ballot) after flying in fresh from his campaign-launching Texas prayer meeting to announce a bid.

Old Rick has a penis, presumably, and is a little prettier than Romney I think. He isn’t a Mormon and has the power of prayer behind him. Mitt might be able to overcome the stud deficit, but prayer’s another matter. Mormons aren’t really Christians, you know (or so the Bible-thumpers would have us believe), so winning over the holy war crowd is going to be a huge challenge.


Not that I’m suggesting Democrats are much better than Republicans when it comes to preoccupation with penis power.

I think Hillary Clinton would make a great president, for example (besides, it would be fun to see lecherous old Bill Clinton as first lady), but Democrat men seem to be just about as uncomfortable with strong women as Republicans are.

That’ discomfort quite often is reflected in rhetoric. A decisive and opinionated man is a stud, a decisive and opinionated women is a bitch. That kind of language may be appropriate when talking about dogs, but not people.

And for some reason, many still get preoccupied with the way female candidates look and dress and in the case of Bachmann, what her husband looks like, too. Remember the eminently unqualified but gutsy Sarah Palin and her difficulties developing the appropriate Republican woman “look”?

Now really, take a look at Ron Paul --- a frog in need of a prince’s kiss if ever there was one. But who comments on that? And who knows or cares what Mrs. Paul looks like?

So I think Perry’s in and expect him to start shopping around soon for a female running mate, someone appropriate for the “little woman” vice-presidential role.

But of course I could be wrong.


And then there’s six-term Indiana Republican state legislator Phil Hinkle, described as a “noted anti-gay Christian activist,” in the hot seat at the moment after getting caught shopping via Craigslist for a male prostitute.

Apparently he hadn’t managed to pray it away, and that’s another thing running in Rick Perry’s favor. You just never know how many other good old boys are out there in the GOP ranks covertly comparing the shapes of candidate butts.

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