Monday, December 28, 2009

You may live in southern Iowa if ...

My friend Nancee, a great forwarder of whatever she finds interesting, sent along a list this morning patterned after Jeff Foxworthy's shtick, "you know you're a redneck if ...." Modified a little, it becomes "you may live in southern Iowa if ...." And for the most part they're true. The nice thing about the list is that you're free to make up a few of your own.

If your suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of your forehead, you may live near Promise City.

If you know where Bunch (Paris) is, you definately live near Drakesville.

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you may live in Russell.

If you have regular long telephone conversations with people who dial wrong numbers, you may live in Leon.

If you measure distance in minutes and hours ("it's bout a half-hour drive) rather than miles, you may live in Corydon.

If, while driving, you wave at everyone you meet whether you know them or not you may live at Attica.

If you know several people who have hit deer with their vehicles several times, you may live at Chariton.

If you see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings), you might live in Garden Grove.

If you're not surprised at visitation for a deceased neighbor to observe that his remains are dressed in bib overalls, you may live at Allerton.

If you install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked, you might live near Grand River.

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife or girlfriend knows how to use them, you might live in Osceola

If your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce, you might live in Humeston.

If going "down south" means Missouri, you might live in Mystic.

If your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed you may live near Confidence.

If you think people north of Indianola talk funny, you may live at Lineville.

If you know what Missouri crossings and grader ditches are, you may live in Clio.

If your tree stand has a 911 address, you may live at Norwood.

If you have three pickups but no car, you may live at Melrose.

If ironed jeans and polished boots are Sunday-go-to-meeting gear, you may live at Millerton.

If you know where New York is, you either live at Bethlehem or Millerton.

If you and your date went to the junior-senior prom on a tractor, you may live at Albia.

If you think a traffic jam involves five pickups and two cars waiting to pass a tractor on Highway 2, you may live at Seymour.

If you know where all the Yoders live, you may live at Bloomfield.

If you actually understand these jokes, you do live in southern Iowa.

1 comment:

Ed said...

Most of those hit close to home.