Sunday, May 13, 2012

A Thirty-point Confession

1. Some mornings I wake up and have no idea what to blog about. This is one of those mornings.

2. Since it’s Sunday, I’m a believer 33 percent of the time, an agnostic 33 percent of the time and an atheist 33 percent of the time. That leaves one percent unaccounted for. Haven’t missed a Sunday in church in more than five years.

3. My favorite meats are Hormel Little Sizzlers and pickle-and-pimento loaf, but I secretly long to be vegetarian and would be if I weren’t so blamed lazy.

4. I fantasize sometimes about living in a single-wide mobile home, which I think makes me a trailer trash wannabe.

5. I don’t like Judy Garland, Liza Minnelli or Barbara Streisand, but love Dolly Parton and the late great Miss Tammy Wynette. I think this means I am trailer trash.

6. So far this month I’ve spent $200 at Ellis Greenhouse --- and that’s just the beginning.

7. Under no circumstances will I eat watermelon. I hate it.

8. I have a secret stash of Bill Gaither Homecoming series videos. Vestal Goodman is my hero.

9. I am the king of procrastination. I hate being the king of procrastination.

10. I rarely lose my temper and am horrified by people who regularly lose theirs.

11. I sometimes stop watering houseplants, apparently just to watch them die. I do not understand this.

12. I once owned --- and wore (one at a time) --- more than 50 sweaters, dressed thoughtfully and, on one occasion, was named “best dressed.” Betcha ya didn’t see that one coming.

13. I have always hated to get haircuts.

14. Love Bach’s Mass in B minor (BVW 232). The St. John Passion (BVW 245), too.

15. I once got so drunk (in the military) I kicked in a door --- and had to pay for it.

16. I am not a successful drinker, however. I don’t like the stuff. Even wine.

17. I always leave “under God” out when I say the Pledge of Allegiance --- and never put my hand over my heart.

18. Having sat by too many death beds in too short a time, I swore I’d never do it again. This interferes with relationships. Think about it.

19. Wyoming is my favorite state after Iowa, but I wouldn’t want to live there.

20. I own a pair of cowboy boots --- left over from a previous life.

21. I think P. Buckley Moss is a spawn of the devil.

22. Some days I wish same-sex marriage had come along when I was interested in such things.

23. I don't trust heterosexuals.

24. I can be irritating --- occasionally on purpose.

25. I always sleep with a fan running --- for the noise.

26. I hate, really hate, to keep house. And to cook, too --- although if backed into corner I can do both credibly. Just not recently.

27. I sometimes get dressed out of the dryer.

28. I’ve shaken hands with Walter Cronkite and Lyndon B. Johnson.

29. I always get up at 4 o’clock in the morning. I have no idea why.

30. I am not neurotic. Honest.


Anonymous said...

Love this post Frank. I love "real" country music, Tammy being one of my favorites and I don't even keep my Gaither Homecoming stuff secret. Play it in my car a lot. Keep up the good work. Virginia

Norm Prince said...

Again with the similarities and how great. #6 must be wonderful for a single fellow as you don't have to justify the cost to a partner. I look forward to Saturday evening on Iowa PBS for Classic Gospel as to your #8 collection. Retirement takes care of #12 although the closet is still full of great threads. #16 is a no brainier for an Alcoholic. And then #23 has me question if I just wasted my time.
Peace cyber friend

Frank D. Myers said...

Hi Norm --- No one should take No. 23 personally. It's cultural baggage that's difficult to explain, but I've never met an LGBT person who didn't share it, to one degree or another.