Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Just call me Frank D.G.S. Myers

Vets Auditorium (now Veterans Memorial/Community Choice Credit Union Covention Center) as it looked in the 1950s.

I have decided to sacrifice my patrimony on the altar of Mammon and sell naming rights. At first, it seemed like a good idea to approach Clark Fielding because of the alliterative interest involved in “Frank Fielding Funeral Home Myers.” But now “Frank Dollar General Store Myers” seems wiser --- even though it doesn’t trip off the tongue quite as effectively --- because we’re getting a new one of those and I’d be able to keep “D” as a middle initial, among others. FDGSM. I like it.

The possibilities are endless in a marketing and economic stimulus area heretofore not considered in Lucas County. “Cornerstone Community 1st Credit Union Church,” for example. Cornerstone Community Church already is part way there and we have that new bank (err credit union). Why not consolidate efforts?

Or how about “Lucas County Hy-Vee Distribution Center --- Health” instead of Lucas County Health Center. They're already used to updated names out there, having started out a hospital before moving through medical center to health. They’d hardly notice.

This revenue stream came to mind while following the Polk County supervisors as they fumbled their way through a renaming process for Des Moines’ Veterans Memorial Auditorium.

Vets opened its doors in 1955 and until the fairly recent additions of Wells Fargo Arena and Hy-Vee Hall to form the Iowa Events Center (along with the Convention Center a brief skywalk to the southwest) stood alone as Iowa’s premiere location for huge public events. Ozzy Osbourne bit the head off that bat here, and hundreds of thousands have flocked through its doors to attend state basketball and wrestling tournaments.

The supervisors, having invested a few million in an upgrade of the ugly but beloved building, decided to recoup some cash and sell naming rights. Veterans Memorial Auditorium would have become Community Choice Credit Union Convention Center for 10 years in return for $2.5 million.

And then more veterans groups that either the supervisors or the credit union ever had dreamed of rose in unified protest.

So now it’s to be called Veterans Memorial/Community Choice Credit Union Convention Center (or VMCCCUCC for short, I suppose).

This will be a win/win situation for the supervisors, who will pocket the cash. It remains a public relations nightmare for the credit union which would have been accused of kicking a veteran while he/she was down had it either demanded sole custody of the name or backed out entirely when the compromise was proposed.

The rest of us will just keep calling it “Vets” and forget all about both the supervisors and Community Choice Credit Union. You’ve gotta love it.


Just in time for Christmas, we’re down to the endorsement wire this week in Iowa, resulting in an array of stories like …

“… Old Shep, the Rev. Cletus Crankshaft’s black lab, endorsed Rick Perry for president today.”

As nearly as I can figure it out, The Register endorsed the inevitable Mitt Romney --- no surprise there, although it’s a mystery to most Christians why a godless Communist rag like that bothers to play the GOP endorsing game at all.

And the Family Leader, headed by Bob Vander Plaats, endorsed Rick Santorum. The Leader would have endorsed Michele Bachmann, you know --- but she, as has been pointed out previously, doesn’t have a penis. Nor does she cover her head --- or remain silent in church.

This is good news in a way for Newt Gingrich, who need not now swear off adultery.

Whatever the case, the caucus process soon will be over and Iowa will return to peace, quiet and political obscurity.

1 comment:

Ed said...

It will always be Vets to me.